Have a bad race in this year king of the road and finish in 2hr 06secs which is dirt slow and couldn't believe it because by average standard it should be around 1hrs 20mins to 1hrs 40mins (base on age group).

Right now I reflecting the mistake I make and also what happen during the race with a high humility level. Some interesting mistake I found is

1: lack of rest (work the previous day and woke up at 3am) < 6hrs rest

2: Not used to such weather for running due to humility level

3: lack of training that kill my leg about 5km and start feeling tired

4: lack of motivation

Next race, SgX bull run. I'm want to break my timing of 30mins clear the 5km. Average pace is 7mins/km and is damn fast !! Gosh !! IPPT also must clear ....

I'm feel tired and I want to sleep for a while before I start to move again or I don't even want to move at all. Tired !

Battle against your sin is tough and I feel I too depend on my own strength.
God tell me to stay with him but when I think about the other problem, I feel he don't understand my heart is actually crying neither my church friends understand. Only my friends knows what happen and they feel why I live my life for him since he give me life, I should fight for myself.

I'm wish I can have motivation to press on and here come 2 photos. A sweetly friend that her smile will just delight my day and the other is a photo of life that I know I fighting for it.

Sad ... I feel restless now

Look at my few past post. I'm spot some interesting words like "alone" , "move on" , "leave" and " settle down"

When I start to look back, I feel this is a moment where my faith put to the highest test ever compare to those issue that already over long ago.

Life is a journey of joy not depress
When things goes wrong, look upon the greatest king that set us free.
He's bigger than we thought ~cam~

Meet up with 2 brothers and share about what I been feeling for the past few months after come back and now in the mid of making decision should i switch to another church.

Part of the reasons is i not moving on after the issue although it has been settle and some hidden agenda which I don't want to type out. Pretty hurting.

Properly around mid nov will start to visit churches again and hope I can find a place where I can learn and seek back my desire. I'm do hope I can stay on but looking at long term, it will just drag thing longer.

Lets me pray first.

开始大战了。我开始有点累了。

What wen mention is true. Are you living to who you are or living others expectation in this life ?

You live your own legacy, not for others to judge but you live for it. What's others is others not yours, end of the day, u write the storybook ~cam~

When he start to peel off 1 by 1 of my layer, I feel ashamed while also disappointed because of some issue.
I'm hate to be alone but look like there's no others choice but to accept my destiny...... Need to recharge for sure but now is I just want to tears for my both eyes dry up.

This thought have been in my mind for very long time and is time to make a decision soon or later. When I decide to come back to my old church, the first few priorities are the following

1. Settle my conflict with her
2. Pastor for counseling
3. Settle down and fellowship if can
4. If no 3 fail, time to move out
5. Find a church that I feel belong.

After a while, I still cannot fit into what is means to be a fellowship place and is time to go somewhere and start new because i somehow cannot move on neither i been learning. Sad truth isn't it and when i call for guideline, there isn't anyone beside me and it seem all of us damn busy.

My question is "fellowship ? We are like damn hanging on the air man"
Maybe is time to move and I been trying hard till I feel lets just stop it.

Thank you ! It's goodbye time and time to visit church again.

Working towards my 1st goal which is own self photo album that talks about my life , my journey and my sadness

My musical journey .. Coming soon

müde und ich vergessen ?

können nicht darüber hinwegtäuschen, meine Enttäuschung.

wünschte, ich kann wieder fliegen :(

I'm feel depress when my mom asked me that question "When u going to find a partner?" and i don't know how to express my feeling to her my disappointment and sadness. The question is not i trying but the problem lies to the person must be a Christan and to me honesty, this is a game over question. Isn't that true?

Maybe some people feel diff religion can go together but to me, i don't look at short term but long term problem. Am i forgotten by him ? I'm hate to be alone and looking at all my friends getting marriage,

i feel I been fark up my life because of obedient and the worst is look down by my owe brother is really Fark my Life. I'm wish someone can understand my heart and let me cry out loud.

Damn myself Kevin. U really fark your life upside down.