同行

2012-02-12T08:33:00.001+08:00

It just very funny when I look back the whole issue but honestly speaking, I inspire by her character rather than like her because properly I not up to papa standard but doesn't mean I won't chase in the future.

It's just a matter of time before everything come in place but right now I think Papa want me to focus more on my relationship with him first before commit to another challenges in life.

What am I talking about ? Ok ;)
Im admire a sister from other church but due to some concern act recently by me, she overwhelmed by it and will accept me on the spot but the purpose will be totally wrong because of my cares or want a boyfriend after all. She's believe a guy who put Jesus as his priority will show her with Jesus love than human love. That's what i like about her !!!

In the mean of repairing my bridge with papa, all I can now is to rebuild, put more trust and run (no more walk) to him.

Talk less , Read more , leads it.
That's Jesus want me to remember daily of my life.

.

2012-02-08T15:46:00.002+08:00

Met up with pastor Wendy for the possibility to harvest in Laos but she will take into consideration as she mention the community try before with their Thailand and Cambodia contract but fail due to the security and sensitivity in Laos, they hold back until GOD open the door. Quite pity but all I can do is pray while do homework once I free.

3 major projects that I keen to wrap up by this year. A remake of heart for them , a photo album about myself and lastly my parent wedding shoot which going to take place in April as i promise to them !! Gosh, i really excited about this major project for the year !!

Another random thought

Told Pastor Wendy that i good at others area rather than words because this is a gift from God and she say we work diff but serve the same king :)

I'm told God that i wish i can find someone that can help me to understand more about the bible as i not good at words and someone that can "tag li" with my passion with oversea project but am i good enough in the first place ^^" .... Need my chocolate to burn away my thought.

2012-02-08T09:19:00.002+08:00

Random thought

When pastor Joshua mention about something last Sunday, it reminds me how i witness the death of macro and that apply to how i didn't witness ah Ben last trip. So fast, is going to be your 29's birthday and how we miss you.

2012-02-07T00:06:00.002+08:00

Hey, long time no see and where have you been ?

Just when i step back the church, i prepared to answers them with this "Around the World".
I'm don't want to share much about what happen during my past 1 years plus absent from here as is quite a sensitive issue but at least, everyone is happy so go on :)

2012-02-04T21:30:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow i will be walking back to church. What is the feeling of walking back home after 1 yrs plus of absent and when was the last time I step out this place?

Remembered is around Feb 2011 (or earlier) where I made the decision to take a break since there are so many unhappy issue surrounded me and telling God that let me "离家" for a years plus to face hard nails and etc just to make me grow up and he did. To others, this is just a crazy risk as it might paid up your faith yet I know but sometime doing crazy stuff may not be a bad idea after all.

I did almost back stab myself towards God plan and don't know why there will always be something that pull me back again .. Hmm.

Thank Papa that I grew up but will I still cont in this church is also a big question till now. Anything might happen but at least now I know where is my direction.

2012-01-31T22:17:00.003+08:00

Today is like a simple "garang guni" man flying around the area. In the morning, i have to go post office to make some postage and then meet ah rong g.f to pass them items plus Y.T b'day DIY scrapbook and lastly meet up with Fraser plus pastor Joshua.

Have a great lunch with Fraser that we talk what happen that day after they left and he mention a question which i find it useful. He said "Is the talk helpful to you?" and my replied " It's not about me but is about her but anyway, we have move on and life goes on." O ya, he going to confess to someone else so wish him all the best *Cheers brother*

Went up to meet pastor Joshua after our lunch. I'm always love to talk to elder because they can understand me better than the rest (beside those know me until rotten) and first question he asked is " Long time no see, what is the feeling when you step into the church ?". U know it been a long period of time since i absent myself from my church due to some forbidden issue and taking a break is more than just a holiday but rather is good choice.

After all, i have re-discovered myself for the past 2 yrs and perhaps Kevin is more .... let others discover by themselves.

We shared a lot but i guess is a private chat so shall not share over here.

2012-01-28T02:46:00.002+08:00

Sunday will be flying back to Singapore. I'm thankful for this long break that I been looking forward with almost losing my fingers on the early morning during work time and lost my words when I see my wound. Not that bad but is a warning for lack of sleep.

Even I meet up with the old gangs, my brain is 50% working and still need to deal the problem between me and Desiree but isn't that end in 2010 oct.
All along as I mention on my Previous post is that I waiting for the letter and understand she had move on but when I see her, I sense she isn't but overall we do settle everything and start new.

I know she bear all and mention whether I say sorry isn't the matter anymore as God forgive and etc but that not the point I want heard actually, I was hoping she grow up in that area yet ... never mind. Story end Liao.
Move on in life.

The past few weeks, I been thinking a lot whether should I cont. chase my friend but today, I decided to let it go after much thinking, fighting with people and Papa. My sister share something that reminds me about who you are in Christ eyes and why play fire where in the end you will be judge severally !! Deuteronomy 21~28.

I know my friends going to say I crazy over my religion and every time I will rather give up the chance than my region. Think this is my 4th already give up again.

People say diff religion can go together but my question is who actually know the hidden side? Nobody know :(

When I saw this photo, it reminds me about Jesus who love me ...

2012-01-28T02:24:00.001+08:00

We meet up and she decided to let go but I still dont see that real side of her.

Never mind. At least she can move on is good enough.

2012-01-21T06:57:00.005+08:00

Sunday will be meeting the old gangs and will she be there?

I'm have the confident she will appear at the table and what i need to ask is just the letter she want to send and that all. In my heart, I thought she already grow up but I totally wrong as what i receive the sms just now is she want me to say sorry about what i told her.

I'm totally disappointed right now and thought the past 2 years she have wake up her mind but in the end she is still the same. Fine, I will say sorry to her but without my heart and what i say is truth and stop been naive -.-".

Today, i went to Michelle wee (decreased) tomb who is 1 of her childhood friend whom happen to be the same location as my 2nd auntie and my photo shop teacher mr kwok tomb (All saint chapel @ ang pin road) and talk (pray) to her please continue to protect her friend because she is not only weak but also lost in time and this cycle has been carry out since 2010 whenever i visit my auntie and teacher tomb. (She don't know at all).

How i know her tomb ?

She shown me before during our courtship period and believe it a not

When i looking at Michelle photo, it actually "speak" into my heart by saying "Please protect her" and i just give a smile back and hope i can bear this responsibility as her angel wings and that keep on happening till now.

Well, I sorry Michelle.

2012-01-19T06:27:00.005+08:00

Tuesday night was a great day between 2 brother's having some kind of adventure tour around Singapore. I'm manage to catch up with him after quite a long time but seriously, every time i got to meet him, i always learn something for this mature/steady Adrian lee because he always can break through my thought which kinda weird, isn't that awesome ?

Share with him some of the thought that not much people get to heard from me but i guess is because of the comfortable level that can make me blast it out without much thought. Anyway, i will be coming back to church in April when my old gang move up from their level which this is part of the reason why i will go back to my church and to be honest, that lonely period where u don't even get to talk to anyone is really insanse. Don't you think so ?

From now, i just wait for them to come up and perhaps is also a time for me to change my job and apply SIM for my uni course and hopefully can grab a place to study with my lousy result.

2012-01-17T21:05:00.005+08:00

Not regret of what i wrote at my past entry. It's look like a curse and swear filled with anger and pain posting yet i told myself that if that happen again with the same person, i will surely fight back and please don't make that happen again because it will become very ugly rather than mercy.

Denis was sharing with me about photography and etc until topic link to the person i courting but somewhere the conversation at facebook lead to something about finding a wife and i don't really want to share much but just say something about someone in my mind and i trying to woo her.
Sad to sad, the lady that i wooing isn't anyone hoping for as ....... but is a choice been made right now ...

Her name is YanTing, my friend from nyp and if she is the one, i truly don't deserve such a great lady for my life.

2012-01-16T09:08:00.003+08:00

Proud of myself that i pass my traffic police with a words call "Hell yeah". It's was a miracle that my tester said something to me " Your driving not bad, how many lesson you took?" and i told him "23" and he reply with a smile "Good".

1 burden down and 2 more major burden on it ways to my path. Finish this course after the day of my birthday and changing my job if economy is good or opportunity that comes in right on my doorstep. *Waiting x 10*

"Why i keep going for such events?" said Leong and my reply is "For Fun and some say for fitness". As what he mention before that is time to semi-retired from this as it costly , unhealthy plus the road is always the same which kinda bored him so do i agreed with him as singapore is small and run here and there always the same. Decided to end my last marathon race in Kuala Lumpur marathon on 24/6/2012 with a big smile and a challenging attitude over there.

Is that the end ?

99.9% and 1% is for special reason then i run.

I'm also told him i will be heading back to church soon and he glad yet also doubt so the same question again " Have the conflict in church been settle?". I know a lot of people will surely ask me this question but how many people actually know what kind of shit i actually went through during my past 1 years+ pilgrimage journey spiritless path and nobody know because they don't care so do i hoping they will but do they actually? Maybe ... or may not.

That's don't bother me anymore because i learn to be independent by myself , learn to climb and learn to fight against my odds and a big thank you to that wonderful person who point fingers without know any shit in details and you know how badly you have hurt me when i know the truth and not because you are a christian but your big day is also the day my best friend "songka" to mandai and till today, i feel guilty and regret for not attending that last trip with him as i couldn't find people to replace me on that day plus telling red about white is a 不吉 so who actually want it ? LLTL have to bear the problem.

Like i say before, i have forgive but cannot forget because is a human problem but today i ca smile hidden when i see her because end of the day, whoever did that to others will always face that again in their life. I'm not talking about Karma but is life cycle ...

Anyway, he no longer @ x church but change to x church due to same problem i face before in the previous x church. The attitude problem to others. *Shake my head*

Sometime, i wondering is that the root of problem why so many people reject Christ. Likely

2012-01-12T08:05:00.002+08:00

Woke up as usual 7.30am after some weird dreams again. I'm not tired but how come my brain start to have that kind of route .. o not good actually.

Anyway, 3.45pm will be my test and gosh !! I'm praying hard until i scare :X
Damn, i see $$ fly , i feel the pain :(

2012-01-11T10:31:00.003+08:00

Tomorrow is my TP and yesterday practice was like "gonecase" standard. Can i say i start worrying and of course cannot keep wasting my time waiting for another test date which fall at my birthday. Pray hard ~~ .... target to pass at maximum point of 10 (must give some confident to myself :X)

Recently wrote something to my close friend who know me very well

Hey bro, now i fully understand what you trying to tell me for the past 1 years and perhaps something is about to bloom but still depend on the person decision ...

and his reply will always be the same as usual

All i can say is take things one step at a time.

To be honest, he was one of those "angels" that told me "不看好" beside wen , dad and mom before i break up. They get the bingo and i get the heavy lesson which i don't know how they actually can tell but perhaps is send by papa to prepare me for the worst. Okie :)

Back to my path, i going to Laos in less than 1 week !! Gosh, i can't wait !! i need a break !!

2012-01-09T15:32:00.002+08:00

Flying off in less than 12 days time to a country where living standard so alike Cambodia and Myanmar. What are the list of items for this year 2012 or end of the world where people's believe.

Given a choice before the end of the world, i really wish to go back Myanmar and send my greeting to the children's and seriously, i miss them again not because they are Burmese but this matter to papa heart because he reminds us in the bible "John 21:1-19" take care of my sheep. When i look back, i know i have fail to fulfill this task or more importantly is the faith i living in.
As i sitting in front of my computer, i wondering what papa want me to do right now...

BUT one thing for sure is that my adventure in 2008 to 2011 isn't wasted as i manage to travel around the region just to take photo ... thank you pa for this chance ... you keep blessing me ...

2012-01-05T02:43:00.002+08:00

Knowing i didn't do well for my Spec Diploma doesn't mean i give up myself towards study but just that this course doesn't suit me actually rather is more to design out the system. Anyway, i left about 2 months plus to go so enure a bit and say goodbye to school and hello to life again.

Next week will be my Traffice Police and praying that i will be able to perform to standard and clear another challenge in life. I'm not surprise i will be going for a class 2B in 1 year time just to fufill my desire of having a bike licience in life.

Currently reading maxie book called " Out live your Life" and inspire me about my dream job of been a overseas helper to bless the children's ...

2012-01-04T08:49:00.002+08:00

I'm feel so uncomfortable while watching this documentary " God vs Satan, the final battle" by history channel as i looking at myself , my fellow christian and my sis faith to Jesus Christ. Knowing my faith is no longer like in the past so will that day i leave my faith when the final count down comes ?

Is these few month of weird dream (witness death , human , battle and disaster) mean that God want me to step up than still sleeping like a lazy bum ?

Where am i actually ? Am i still in the right track ? Could anyone answer that question ?
Think only myself can answer that question ...

2012-01-04T04:41:00.003+08:00

Wake up at 3.40am

I'm wasn't in troubled nor sadness but somehow this few days, i been sleeping a lot due to weather and doing nothing beside reading some books and preparing my trip to Laos. As the time approaching, i really wondering how far can i go from where am i ?

Yesterday was a time of asking myself a few question for been a leader , a hunter and a sniper but thankfully, my poly teacher was online at that moment so have a good chat with her about i like someone else and after the long conversation, i convince that i need to go back to the basic and from there, i might able to find out more ... ya .. is successful or failure.

Quote this part she mention

"Ah I see... I'll keep u in prayers. The man should find his goal in life and find a partner who is willing to be aligned to his direction."

I'm truly agree that ...

2012

2012-01-01T02:35:00.003+08:00

Happy new year to my friends and stranger. It's been a long journey since the day I start blogging by talking crap to sharing photo and even private life,
It was fun in the being but as the days goes by, I feel blogging make me feel more sad than encouragement.

Recently, I told my best kaki that i like someone else from my former school but will she know ? When she fly to Australia to study in 2010, I kinda having a weird feeling but dare not send a simple SMS until 1 day I took the courage to what's up her and is weird so i have to wait for few days before she reply as quite busy term over there. ^^"

We have some good chat , exchange photos and even Skype but due to the connection, it's suck as sometime d/c. Perhaps, I too busy with my stuff so didn't cont the high pitch but slow down my path towards our conversation but everything seen to be perfect somehow ... ops ...

Maybe I hint her by saying "I'm waiting for you to come back" and to her is just a casual friend meaning but it hidden a bit more than she think. November, she back so do I glad and is time to "attack" or should I let her settle down a bit longer ? * thinking*

We should be meeting during December but because of some "bad" planning, we end up postpone here and there for the past few weeks which kinda sian .....

Last week, she called me as she around with her dad doing some windows shopping at giant so she met me downstairs of my house , pass me the chocolate and i lost my words and she rush off like split seconds.. gosh ! Actually, I plan to pass her something that I draw to encourage her but .. now she gone and i have to wait until CNY which is she request ~~

One of our friends know I trying to woo her and to my surprise, he know without i telling him and isn't that amazing how human being can be ... no details and he know *omg*

Ok... i trying hard ...

2011-12-04T10:14:00.011+08:00

Time to start writing my 2011 adventure journey ever happen or should i say something more memorial by looking back. There are a lot of issue happen which totally don't make sense in the being but somehow it answered by itself.

January

Brand new 2011 have just being and life is tougher and rougher as usual but is the making decision to go and visit other church for the sake of my workplace (working shift) and unable to fit in the service hours. I'm finally tasted how bro Chee Seng went through in the past and to be honest, it is as crazy as i can imaging by myself since i wearing the shoes right now and how long to go ?

That month, it was also my greatest joy to pass my photo album "同行" (journey with me) to someone that really deserve it which is brother louis and i should say i actually own him that since 2008 so sorry about that :p.

What's next ? Maybe a simple album about 战前和战后的我是两个人. Sound pretty cool !!

February

Here come little Joshua Loke that came into the sinful world at 8.45pm while the whole family waiting for the great news to come. The first thing that caught my attention is his bunch of thick hair and big ears. Handsome guy. Pray that he is God warrior when he grow up, wisdom in his words not like his uncle .. unfaithful servant.

One year older and to remembered this special 28's birthday , i actually bought myself a Tissto watch and reminds myself not to look back as to give thank for today mercy and what past is already over so no point turning back. It's also my long term decision to do something more.
A car license :)

March

Making a major decision to take a long term break from photography which is shocking news to some of my friends. Knowing there won't be anymore extra income coming in and etc, i feel i need a break partly because my school term is about to being plus messy spiritual life that bother me for quite sometime. Some of my friends approach me yet i reject because i know i can't focus too many things at one time so let it be and let others enjoy it.

Can't remember the date, i went to pay a visit to my brother ben lee (R.I.P in april 30th) at mandai and someone sms me that caught my surprise. It's was Desiree. Seriously, i don't know why she want to send an e-mail to me regretting the overall issue that she manage to understand more, i feel is a bit of wasting my time as the hurt is finally heal yet the scar is still there. Anyway, till now .. there is no news ..

April

Taking the step of faith to tear all my journal because i no longer need them to reminds myself what happen nor letting others knowing what actually going when i die. Secret are mean to be secret after all so why let others know without your permission :X

May

When chef Eric mention this "那些勇敢面对失败的人才是真正的强者", i cry and it reminds me about my past 3 years in poly that given me a disaster in my life and to be honest, i almost want to give up and start working yet because of the $$ , i have to "tong" till the end. I'm must thanks to my family member's for their moral support.

June

我不在是当年的我, 而是另一个我
看的远,想得到, 放的下.
我习惯孤单，享受寂寞，崇尚自由，追求自我

July

A month after so long, i finally manage to meet up with the old gang (Tian jie , Xiang Xiang , Fraz , Lo ge). U know my heart sank sometime when i saw them because i not in church and miss them time to time. Came across this quote.

"To fear death, my friends, is only to think ourselves wise, without being wise: for it is to think that we know what we do not know. For anything that men can tell, death may be the greatest good that can happen to them: but they fear it as if they knew quite well that it was the greatest of evils. And what is this but that shameful ignorance of thinking that we know what we do not know? "

Aug

Finally, my prayer was answered because i flying to Cambodia after 6 years of faithful waiting. This trip allow me to explore more about myself , my faith and my life and nothing compare to this sentence "人生没有走投无路的时候，也没有过不去的事情，只有过不去的心情。"
I'm have learn about my passion , people life and changes around us so i truly believe that i will be back for more in the future and hope more people can come in and help them.

Sept

Project after project. Here come my name card. So glad so happy.

Oct

Maybe my tireless hit the level, brain start to think a lot of past issue and i need a break.
Witness my favorite rider Marco Simoichilli die on the spot during the motogp. It's break and sink my heart as a young guy, 25years old and end his life due to a fatal accident so what that mean in life?

November

Have the conflict settle between you and them ? A common question that bro Louis , Fraser and Wei Xiang will ask me when we meet up for dinner or simple coffee session. How should i say? There is only forgiveness but forget is unlikely because scar will always be a scar.

December

Finally, i have reach this post or perhaps I really looking forward now.
More and more challenges coming in and life goes on.

I'm will be back to my home soon .... God, you know me.

2011-12-04T10:11:00.001+08:00

Facing the parking lesson are the greatest fear than changing lane and etc.

Sometime it just don't make sense that I should fear the easiest than the hardest and how I wish to clear this driving ASAP because it taking me too much of my time (i feel that way) as it damn expensive but is investing the future possible of owning a vehicle.

Can't hide my disappointment somehow

2011-11-30T10:49:00.001+08:00

Book my Traffic Police on 12/1/2012. Gosh, i wish i can pass and get my next license which is diving course with my poly friend that waiting for me since last year. I'm want to go dive down and look the other side of the world that is forbidden beauty. Just waiting for the right time to come. . . . .

Everything have to delayed once again as having problem with the last semester modules that is tough.
That's goes my website , photo project and over night photography and etc. Seriously, i tried with all stuff once again and asking myself Where is my "love life" ...

Miss my rock climing , running , enjoying , relaxing.

Once mom said please take care yourself but how when i need to get all this done asap before i reach my real peak period. Currently this is my peak period where i want to excel myself to the max and shall not delay again.

Few days ago, i met up with the old guys and seriously i want to go home now.
I'm just want a place to rest , listen to words and keep myself quiet alone.
Of course not forgetting those people that misjudge me during that years,
i forget what you did to me and hurt me badly
but the scar that you guys cut will never heal again.

2011-11-01T15:50:00.001+08:00

Every steps that I walked through is a reasons of how you love me.

Every piece of puzzles that i picks up is equal to how mysteries life can be.

Every parent loves their children because of a words "爱"

Thank you for giving me a chance to love you again.

2011-11-01T10:39:00.000+08:00

Resume my workflow and is a great 2 month break after spending so much time just to make things work. I'm not sure how far will i be going in time to time but knowing i need to finish up this before i pass away one day and is anytime from now till next secs.

Anyway, this is my new logo

http://www.wix.com/momentphoto/sample (Temp link)

Currently, i doing the context !! It's hard but is fun !!

2011-10-24T18:17:00.001+08:00

Back from KL, I have mixing feeling while on my way out from Singapore custom. Maybe there are sour, sweet and sadness.

Sweet

Manage to have a short break before school reopen, 22 driving commence in
Nov till I book my traffic police test.

Bought a lot of books which is no surprise because is cheap, good and save money.

3 year con sensitive watching this motogp and i still hope to own a bike lic i been talking for ages yet cannot till today but watching is allow ;)

Sour

Hoping to see yin x 2 but didn't as she wasn't free and quite sad and sour when she reply me in Singapore.

Sadness

A fatal accident during 1 and the half round in sepang circuit and it was one of my favorite rider Marco sic die on the spot.
Everyone was shock , depress and sadness to lost another great rider in Moto family.

Satu hati Ciao Marco Sic #58
R.i.P !!

2011-10-18T23:19:00.001+08:00

Sneak preview of my logo.

2011-10-17T15:55:00.001+08:00

Yesterday , i have a simple bicycle ride with the gang (Xiang , min , fraz , och and Adrian plus his g.f). Simple workout yet filled with sharing and laughter which i miss out always.

Last week have 2 gathering which are my poly and sec friends. Everyone is growing up especially my little god daughter that once a small tiny baby become a big girl. Times files and we all have our plan and path to move on so do I going through a path that is pain in the being yet now i see the small rewards that is coming in.

Given myself another 6 more to launch my own photography business but mixed feeling. Happy is because I finally fulfilled my small dream but sad is there won't be so much business for me to grab but i do it with passion so i just do what i need to do.To my own will , i know that i have to stay focus on my plans and stay single for the next couple of years because right now is not a time or should i say i don't see anyone at all. Well, it is so true that i don't think i will marry a Singaporean afterall.

2011-10-11T22:08:00.002+08:00

Reading books like Charles Fishman , Carmine Galleo + Tom Butler- Bowdon since Sunday.

This few days was searching some "catchy" and "lovely" songs that will put for next year Randy and Emily wedding. Thank God, i found a few track that really suit them and so how i feel disappointed when my friend didn't reply me when they can do my photo-shooting yet they promise to help which i very disappointed with them :(

Well, i will be back to my old church soon and part of my reason is "i need to go back to Jesus again and again and again". Just feel like i the Parable of the Prodigal Son.....

2011-10-09T01:04:00.000+08:00

Finally my "emo" feeling is over and back to my work. Confirm I too tired that why my brain think back all these again. Anyway, the story is already end when the day I decided to burn the journal and that is our ending. Yup ... no more part 2 but maybe a OVA :X

Last Sunday, i manage to meet up wen and jie (childhood buddies) and is a great catch up for us especially me and wen haven't see jie for donkey year beside me dump into him during RT in 2010. We share a lot about our life and as usual, i can't wait to receive their "red bomb" from now :)

Always feel delight when my this coffee + thinking + business and driver brother that always there whenever i need some great lessons especially when i feel down in time , feel crazy in life and time where i step into shit that don't know how to settle yet his advice almost given me an idea like steve jobs that is "think backwards" and i got my answer.

Just feel great to have such buddies :)

The past few weeks really a chaotic as tons of work to do especially planning the next few months stuff plus company cut down man power which is not a good sign actually.
I'm tired most of my days but got to bear for it just to achieve my goals and dream. Not much people actually understand what i really gone through for the past 1 years but aiya .. life goes on and always a loner ;)

Just wish i can do more from now ...

2011-10-04T02:08:00.000+08:00

My mind just can't stop thinking about you for the past few month and don't really know what happen to me and my heart again. Is it because i physically/mental tired then old stuff start to recall back ? Is it because i still waiting to see that e-mail which you haven't send to me and already 6month and still waiting ? or is it God trying to play "game" with my heart again?

Whenever i recall that day you told me the answer (you should know who i refer to), it just hurt me badly yet i keep reminding myself to forgive you (infinity) because you heart is just too soft and influence by others comment easily which i know i need to do something for you for that area yet fail.

Whenever the communication broke down, i really wish we could just call each other and solve the problem rather than trying to look at the "perfection" mandarin/English grammar and correct each other just to make sense for everything work.

Whenever i went for any marathon or relief work, i really hope you were there, pray with me and this is the little things that motivated me a lot when i went to fight for wars.

Whenever i completed a photo assignment/project , i wish to share with you because you get to see beautiful side of a human life.

Whenever people bully you, i really want to "kill" them with my eyes because i hate people doing that because you have went through enough shit.

Whenever the tears drop down, i hope is a good one because tears are precious and if can, i rather hold them, pour them to a plant so they can grown up faster.

Whenever you scare of firework/sparkle, i hope you can just light it up, have fun like no others can.

Whenever you pick up the corn from fried rice, i know this going to waste foods so i eat them up.

Whenever you drink HL milk, i rather don't drink because i don't like that smell

Whenever the meatballs is been serve, you will remember Oslo, the beauty time

Whenever you purchase the Yogurt Place and ask me to try, i rather you don't share with me and give you excuses that i don't like which in fact, i rather you enjoy to the max.

Whenever you went to mac (morning), i know you will order pan cake (not meal as you don't drink coffee/tea) , pour the honey cao cao until is so sweet and i just staring at them.

Whenever you went to the central, i know fish soup , ice-milo is def you will order.

Whenever i recall the day you reject me , you bought the Hush puppies shoes for your 1st day work.

Whenever you ask me to study uni, i really hope you can understand my plan as my age and saving $$ yet i didn't get it which i quite disappointed that time.

Whenever the song " The winding path" been play, it reminds me "Moment" project

Whenever i heard piano songs from wedding montage, the 1st thing will be you

Whenever i dedicated song at the blog, i just hope actually appreciate it but you don't

Whenever it rain, you will start to complain that the floor is wet and make your shoes wet

Whenever you laugh, i will know this is your voice that nobody have it.

Whenever the mobile ring, i just know you will start to feel sian when u saw the number.

Whenever i recalled i burn the journal, my tears roll down, asking God to comfort me and he did

Whenever i see the macro polo book at my bookshelf, i know you bought it with along with you when u doing your revision. Meet me at pasir ris station and that day is rain so heavily. End up we went to mac , 2nd floor. U order Mc nuggets with 2 small cup of water. Asking me to guess the book and end up surprise me

Whenever you ask me to go for concert, u thought i don't enjoy which in my heart , i will just
appreciate everything yet u think out wise.

Whenever i recall telling other that how i wish to fight yet i get back is "you a fool".

Whenever i recall how you mention about my buddy, i was caught surprise by your response.

Whenever the bus come, the first thing in my mind is "where are the loud laugh?"

Whenever tian jie and xiang ge mention about you , i just give them a hack care attitude and trying to make them believe i still angry with you but in fact, if they are smart enough, they know this xiao di is putting an act in front of them.

Whenever i recall that night to break up, the first thing come into my mind is " Father, i have my maximum already which i seriously lost yet nobody can understand me".

Whenever i see the little starfish necklace at Tiffany and co , surely you suit that.

If every you came across this page by chance or someone who is so kind e-mail to you, will you be happy or sad to see all this bad/good/hurt whenever ?

To be honest, i did ask God to give me a chance to fight again but will there be? ha ha ...
If God given me a chance again, i really hope we could have a great ending that is remarkable
and talk less, work hard , show it to papa.

2 years have pass and going to 3 years soon. Time flies and perhaps we should/shouldn't meet up again and this again is upon God plan.

That's all what i going to share .... well .. this happen unlikely at a unlikely hours

2011-09-27T00:34:00.001+08:00

Just create my own photo business card which I happy with the end result because hard work always paid off.

The initial design wasn't like that as it very plain and look boring but after redo a lots of times, things changes and here comes my final result. The plus point of this card is the meaning which is the "LJH" which represent my name " Life, Journey, Happiness".

After my Cambodia trip, I just feel is time to redo my 2007 "A heart for them" into my own photo rather than the initial using others photo. The project schedule to release in 2012 and it will contain video which I took during my trip in Myanmar and Cambodia ;)

A gentle reminder is "let's look back the greatest things that he done for us"

Just upload the 480i version of "Moment" which i so happy right now :)

2011-09-25T07:57:00.001+08:00

Finish editing my Cambodia photo and pass to pastor Wendy for personal used, finish project timeless wheels and in the last phase which is QC, correction and etc. What's next ? many more :P

Just received a bad news that my poly friend mom pass away and is kinda reminds me someone. I'm going down this Tuesday together with a poly bro to give some support to him and pray that he have a peaceful mind for his rest of his life.

I'm remembered last Saturday i bump to ah xiang and jack @ pasir ris park for the bbq, asking me "Come back to church", my heart really want to come back but i know the time is not there yet or i should be going somewhere first. We shall see but now i preparing myself :)

2011-09-25T07:53:00.001+08:00

The past few days been thinking how to effective using my free time. I found some useful ways like shopping , doing photography or read more books which kinda of good idea but it won't last long so the next " in thing" will be learn how to drive. Finally, I have the extra money to go for driving lesson which I save for quite sometime !! Clear my debt for the past 1 years is crazy and u don't have much spare bucks to spend but now I can :)

2011-09-19T10:23:00.001+08:00

Run and more training for the past few weeks and it will be keep going on and on until 2011 Standard Charted Marathon come to the end. Seriously, i getting unfit/fat whichever i like to describe myself and it time to cut down carbo/oily stuff so i start saying hello to veg and say goodbye to my favorite big mac meal.

The past few days been trying to understand how HDR really work for a simple photo and to my surprise, there are a huge difference when your level is just a 10 percent differences that can make a major difference. Recently, there are some stranger came across my blog make positive comment which i really happy to heard that and that show my photography is stepping into the next level. I love you, my Cheryl aka 50D that create magic :)

Revisit my project "Moment" and did some new adjustment to the show itself and will upload the HD version by December if i can (uploading 1.69GB file to youtube is crazy if connection is not fibers).

Project "Timeless Wheels" is almost completing but there are more things to re-construct before the final version shall release in December 2011 and this will be my 3rd project for the past 6 years.

From A heart for them (2007) --> Moment (2009) --> Timeless Wheels (2011).

Seriously, I happy so do others gain

2011-09-12T23:54:00.002+08:00

Welcome myself back to blogging.

After long weeks of fruitful rest, i going to push myself to the max for the 4th quarter of 2011 before 2012 hit my door where my brand new challenges like my business, exam in march and getting a degree in management that will fulfill my dream come true for years.

I'm enjoyed this trip to be honest but something is missing which is why am i there for ? Ops, i did plan a lot of things before coming to this trip but somehow it become resting most of the time rather than doing a lot of stuff as students having school holiday so left the orphanage kids which is why i having so much of resting time, taking photo, wrap books and slack.

This trip also maximize my photography into the next level by trying out new setting , new style and if only i have my 5D mark II , the photo will be stunning than 50D.

As for what i have learn , i will said .... .... .... .... ...

Shall not share since i don't like to talk so much nowadays.

2011-08-12T09:37:00.008+08:00

After my Cambodia trip, i will be visiting churches again and really hope i can find a place where there is a seeds call "Family love" not because i desperate for love but is something i feel missing in my previous church. Can i find that in the end ? i hope so and if end of the day i cannot find, maybe i will go back to my previous church but will i be happy?

人生没有走投无路的时候，也没有过不去的事情，只有过不去的心情。

After picking/studying about psychology, i feel much happier than before because happiness must come out from your inner heart and nothing is possible until you let go your unhappiness.

Like the sentence i always remembered " 放下屠刀，未来才会来。。

2011-08-12T09:08:00.005+08:00

Given a choice, i rather don't go for a driving license but diving and own a polygon 200 road bike. Damn, it really costly because base on the latest calculation that given from my friend whom recently just pass her is nearly 2k (everything 1st time pass). Holy crap !! I'm top-up another 800 bucks can own me a 5D mark II camera which is dream come true ;(.
Parent 死都不让我有一个 bike license which is 没的谈.

Things getting more and more expensive which kinda asking yourself "How to survive ?" in this stage. Everyday, i saw so many poor families struggling for their daily meals and asking for helps which we seriously can't help them in long term because we ourselves also struggling.

2011-07-28T08:03:00.003+08:00

Last night, i have a dream that papa is calling me to come back now before is too late and my first reaction will be "Where is my home and where is it?" because i don't know where am i going and even i want to go home, nobody come and fetch me until today because nobody bother after all.

When i woke up, i realize this is not a dream but reality in Christian life. Some people really hope to come back but is either they fear of something or wondering what will be the outcome. I'm believe we given a choice to write our own story , direct ourselves and ending audience is our-self too so where is God in this place, he is the QC/CEO of the life story.

自己的人生，導演是自己，始終的觀衆，也是自己

After all, i have a conclusion ... yup ...

2011-07-25T13:03:00.000+08:00

"To fear death, my friends, is only to think ourselves wise, without being wise: for it is to think that we know what we do not know. For anything that men can tell, death may be the greatest good that can happen to them: but they fear it as if they knew quite well that it was the greatest of evils. And what is this but that shameful ignorance of thinking that we know what we do not know? "

Came across this just now. Yup.

2011-07-24T23:10:00.003+08:00

东西没有变过，只是人的心态变了

So sleepy and 1 more week to say goodbye to this terrible 1 month night shift that given me lots of nightmare and frustration yet the "inner spoken" voice in my heart reminds me a sentence.
"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry" Ephesians 4:26

2011-07-22T00:25:00.007+08:00

Waiting for aug and sept to come because i will bring Cheryl out for photography and after that will be going to visit some services in Sept after my Cambodia trip. Service ? Church service, i mean :X Just want to look around again and maybe somewhere i can fit it and beside been lonely for the past few months so switching to other places may not be as bad compare to the past. I'm don't know whether the place will be a 1 time Lego or a 3 times kopitam and we shall see.

Last week met up with bro adrian to see alex soh photo at centrepoint and is a enjoyable fellowship with this brother. I'm always feel comfortable talking to him because of the way he response to your question which make people feel easy to share things with him.

As time goes by, there are so many major changes in my life that happen to me and even sometime i feel weird/lost yet i know i have to change in order to seek for the truth in my life.

你要用心去看, 用脑去想, 这才是事件的真相

2011-07-19T10:56:00.003+08:00

忙忙忙 --〉烦烦烦 --> Begin Again

Clear projects , Clear excel calculation and finally exam again ==".
Is this my new being or being again? Gosh, i damn miss my own free time by doinging my crazy stuff and love my crazy time. Looking here and there and used to 孤单享受寂寞的 feeling ==

I'm so sleepy when come to night shift and let me bear for another 10 more month and will wish to go somewhere else to face more challenges and new working place.

It being again ~~~ again ~~

2011-07-13T12:02:00.004+08:00

Yesterday, i have to say goodbye to "flo" because i no longer playing it since last year and is like collecting dust so decide to sell it away. It's kinda of pity that the passion didn't last long but no regret after tries so many time and is time to let it go and stop continue wasting time.

People might not understand why people give up things like that or but let me ask back this question "Do you understand why that person give up in the first place?" I'm doubt so.

It is best not to comment but understand first and without understand, you are a fool to others because you fail to understand first.

Seriously, nowadays people fail to understand first and quick to judge others. All these good lesson was bought forwards from my past failure and some readers might think because of the bittiness that still going on but seriously, how many bittiness you want to hold on to your life within 365 days ?

Everyday is a learning lesson and even walking at the street also a walking lesson (agree?)
If you have try something and it fail, don't feel sad but proud of yourself because YOU TRIED.
I'm know this sound like religion that you must be holy, be good or many more but to me, this is a human fact because everyday we are learning something new :)

2011-07-08T00:34:00.002+08:00

I'm was reading back my entire entires of this blog and guess what, i going to cambodia this sept
after 4 years of waiting and seriously, i didn't notices until i read back on tuesday morning.
Gosh, i really happy and it like a dream come true again.

My biggest desire right now is to "gao hao" the passion i have right now and i feel this morning, mom finally understand why i always go back to such places even thought is a bit of "wasting" money in her logic but guess, she know i want to help people ... .... ... ...

Thinking of bring nanako along this time to capture black and white photos. Should i ?

Really happy that cheryl have the chance to go with me once more a kind of adventure :)

2011-07-05T14:23:00.003+08:00

Meet up with the old guys (Tian jie , Xiang Xiang , Fraz , Lo ge) and is like a union to me but there are so many things won't be the same as before because we growing old , difference path in life and so many things have change.

Thank fraz for sharing what he want to share and my advice to him "Open your thread within your heart before you can plant a love seed into the ground". I'm learn these by listening , reading and case study from magazine to real people and God is amazing to me from time to time. Even thought i don't study medical field but i strongly believe we are Creation from Jesus, gifted to Bless others with Jesus Gift and Jesus Ways. Jia you bro :)

Although i might have not have the chance to talk to the couple but i know they are coping well in term of differences in time to time till the end of the time. Jia you Tian jie and Wei xiang.

As for lo ge, he is so sneaky by insert a card into my book and didn't know until i board the bus.
After reading the card, i just send an e-mail to him (cc to fraz and xiang) about my aftermath feeling of leaving the place. I'm shall not disclosed anything over here since this is a private issue
but really hope things will start to change by next year (at least a sign of life) and as a body in Christ, we all don't wish more people leave the faith neither bitterness leaving the place.

My advice is "Open mind discussion and willing to listen/Accept suggestion"

As for me, i still looking for a home that i feel comfortable and family love. How long and how ?
The answer will be out someday , someways :)

2011-07-04T11:00:00.004+08:00

Last few days happily meet up with friends , chill and sharing about ourselves.

Last Sunday, TY invite me to go for the Railway walk with PC and their friends. I'm glad because it been a long time since Cheryl go for some action so i guess, this is the time to bring it out for some fun shoot and to my surprise, my skill didn't flaw away which is miracle to me. We share about why i decided not to continue going to CEFC and some decision making which i happily share with him plus recently why so many teens commit suicide which i also share my point of view. It's a good one although the weather is pretty hot yet i enjoy the whole section :)

Went to find wen to chill at his home after the walk and is really awesome feeling to meet up your primary school friends to share with them about some issue that hidden you and glad the chill period was well spend. I'm really love amk because i grow up from there .. *love*

Finally, sis know i not going to CEFC anymore and said "I'm not worry about which church you going but more to your spiritual life and please don't leave because of 1 person".

My answer is "I'm leave the church not because of her (the one accuse me) since she is just a walk over but i disappointed about the integrity and peers support that shown for the past few years.

The direction already shown something is wrong but people still feel nothing wrong and imaging when u step into your working place where there are so many confusing files, will you hack it or do something about it?

Those consider hack it are those bu chup while doing something are those trying to save it.

I'm personally wear 4 ~ 6 brother's shoes that left and i understand their unhappiness feeling. People leaving not they want to leave but some will leave their faith not place."

End of the day, i feel i have sound out long enough about the problem yet people denied the facts and choose to ignore advice. What can i say ? LLTL .....

Wondering where will i go in the end of the day or perhaps i will come back but with the solo heart ... either way .. i don't know ... still looking ...

2011-06-24T23:17:00.003+08:00

It's a weird feeling when you don't go for service in the morning and i mean is like suddenly you have time to do other stuff but as the month goes by, it come a habit and slowly don't go to church totally since you know God is always beside you now and there.

Some old guys invited me to go for the retreat and my first reaction was "Damn weird" & "Don't wish to go either" because i rather do my stuff than involve with people that are totally stranger to me and someone mention to me during a phone call said "We have difference interest after all and we only bump on Sunday so is hard to have the thing call click". So sad to heard from someone telling me that but this is the fact and i mention before, this is Singapore style.

To be honest, i will just contact a few guys that i feel comfortable and the rest will go into my dump list. No point keep saying " We care and concern of you " yet there isn't any action.
How long can a person keep repeating that sentence. Enough :)

The door will become harder and sooner it will totally shut off.
By the time, people trying to get in, it will be too late because you misuse the chances to go in easily.

2011-06-22T00:00:00.001+08:00

Working hard for my 2011 project but is time to make a pause for my school project.

Life is like here you come and out you go.

I'm can't wait for my short retreat ...

2011-06-17T15:26:00.002+08:00

Today will be my last CT paper and gosh, it like "Hell Yeah".

Right now, i looking at the sunny weather and my mind been thinking of going somewhere else rather than staying at home doing revision. If only i have a bicycle right now .... *miss the time*

Somehow, i have lost my words what to write for this blog ... .... .... missing link huh ?
Maybe or perhaps ... more to come ?

2011-06-15T12:54:00.004+08:00

Last night, i have a great dinner with bro jack after he company me to CEFC for a few times before i go solo and that was the last time i saw him. I'm ask some of his view about what happen in service and is good because when people willing to share, it means they do care and we can learn together even thought is just sharing. Anyway, i will not disclose what we share during the dinner but it is decision making for me to think for next year plan.

When Jack asked me "Have you overcome ?" and i answered "U base on my heart or voice?" and we both smile. I'm explain to him that if people understand me, they can feel i using heart to heart communication so it make sense today not all people realize that beside my mom , wen and ah wei that actually know that :)

Anyway, i just hope i can finish up the course and change job. Seriously, i miss my Cheryl as it stay most of the time inside the dry cabin which i thinking of bring her out after my last paper.
Currently, i doing my 2011 project called "Timeless Wheel" and demo version coming out soon.

From now, i let God find back where am i while i myself look back where i will be.

2011-06-13T10:12:00.004+08:00

After last night, i feel i have come to a conclusion that the difference between your friends and Sunday friends. How should i describe it? I will say "This is Singaporean style".

Anyway, my break will last for another 9 months include the studying which i thank to the world that changes the way i look at things which sometime i really feel disappointed but is a cool lesson. Realize even if i come back to TPBC, it won't solve the problem that hidden my heart neither make a difference because there is no starting and people don't want to accept the change. Can i ever find back the path ? I'm losing my faith in the Lord ..

Just have my random thought and decided to write it out.

我不在是当年的我, 而是另一个我
看的远,想得到, 放的下.
我习惯孤单，享受寂寞，崇尚自由，追求自我

2011-06-12T15:34:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow having my 1st CT for Spec Diploma and feel so stress and exhausted after been called back to work for the past 3 weeks without getting a proper rest and study. *Damn it*

I'm have flunk my 2nd quiz which is so badly and depress because of no rest yet i have to remind myself that "it's ok" & "do well for your CT". Recently, my temper is so bad that i piss off with my colleagues for not doing their job properly and pass over their shit when i take over the shift. Someone told me they scare i will overcome them when i grad from TP which i don't give a damn because i want to leave there soon.

It's been 2 month i didn't go for service and i feel so far from God and and talking about my church friends, i feel the bond is so dead and to be honest, there isn't a thing call concern or like "hey, how you doing ?"or a simple "SMS" which is like zero after all. Well, i adjusting myself and accept that this is the part of life.

2011-06-06T10:51:00.003+08:00

Will take a small break after my final papers. Will love to bring my Cheryl for some walkout around Singapore and if can, i will love to trek BTH before Sept where my next project come in.

Looking at my time-table, i seriously have no time to go for service at all or should i say i didn't go for the past few months due to work and study. Maybe a simple service will be a great relieve for me but where could it be as i still looking for a suitable church that can fit in my timing and most important part is the gaining my trust in a way that i can learn/give back within the community.

2011-06-02T04:42:00.003+08:00

Feel exhausted right now but still have to finish this race in the end of the day. Anyway, this is my time-table and feel free to pray if you want.

Common Test

13/6/2011 -- EMS / ISO 4001 ENVIRONMENT MANAGEMENT
15/6/2011 -- IWT/ Industries Waste Treatment
17/6/2011 -- IU / Industrial Utilities

Exam

8/8/2011 -- EMS / ISO 4001 ENVIRONMENT MANAGEMENT
12/8/2011 -- IU / Industrial Utilities
26/8/2011 -- IWT/ Industries Waste Treatment

2011-05-31T12:42:00.006+08:00

Tears roll down after i heard chef Eric said " 那些勇敢面对失败的人才是真正的强者" to his disciple at the national variety show and only by facing, you will soar.

My 3 years failure in poly bring me back lots of memories (good/bad) but i know it bring me to a edge where i can challenge myself against myself because i the one who need to beaten not others. Am i looking back all my past sad memories? Gosh, if life have to keep on looking back, you are just a failure because nothing can be done by keep looking back and ask yourself "What is the point ?".

CT coming and i beating the sundown now ~~~

2011-05-28T19:54:00.004+08:00

Tired and more tired when the month hit June.

3 major papers on it way and feel i funk my class test yesterday but i will do my best to achieve my "A's" student just like 2005-6 (ITE days) because i don't want people to look down on me neither i want people to feel that i actually betray myself for slacking most of the time.

I'm know some of my friends don't understand my way but some do which i really appreciate for their understanding and it help me motivated but think again, why i putting so many unnecessary stress to myself which i guess, this is how i going to train myself for the next step in life.

Say goodbye to this old and welcome the new. Like it a not, all thank to people who hurt me again and again that make me grow up faster and most important, this is not a native thinking but rather you know this is a process ... this is life and your destiny ....

2011-05-24T17:55:00.007+08:00

Came across a thread in HWZ about "difference region people trying to get together". I'm curious about how people think about christian since is stated this guy talking about his girlfriend trying to convince him to convert before marriage and facing objection from his parent and grandparent and the story con't till now ....

The thread
http://forums.hardwarezone.com.sg/showthread.php?t=3248113

From my point, this is an act of silliness and childish from both parties because it not only hurt both parties but also the name of religion and it sound like that time i been force to study uni where i haven't even grad from poly. Simply an act of selfishness and i don't buy that idea people comment about she feel insecure or worry about the future because she herself already shown she not committed or she don't know what she want actually so is a try try game. If relationship can have instant answer on the spot, this is not relationship but rather a game where you know when you game over.

People don't understand why must we give 10% every month and i myself also don't want to comment so much about this since the image have been deeply destroy by some churches been mishandling the offering for the past few years and publish in the newspapers.

Difference religion can stay together ? The answer can be yes/no depend on how you look at it.
There is no right/wrong answer in my heart because end of the day, it is your decision, your choice and your destiny, what people advice is just part of the life but what decision you made is always back to you.

To complete my sharing, i like someone else who is not christian and make that to my bonus list she is much better choice compare to some of my christian friends that i came across and if i not a christian now, i will have chase her last year but end of the day, i choose my destiny to obey my father because i believe. People say i stupid and silly of following that donkey years law ....

I'm laugh and didn't give anycomment because in my heart is very clear, i choose my destiny and don't blame anyone in the end of the day because is your choice that been made :)

2011-05-22T05:38:00.002+08:00

Congratulation to our army brother T.E.S for his special day with his lovely wife. I'm manage to meet up some of the old guys and share about our life, career and etc etc ....

As they marching in, i have the urge of taking my camera and start to take photos just like the past 6 months while i still doing that freelance job. 1 of them said "Hey, your photo is really awesome but why you stop?" and i just said "I'm studying so want to stay focus :)". To be honest, i already planned my business flowchart but is just that the time not yet come as i mention before, i want to focus on my study first then start flying my career path that i been waiting for years.

In Sept, i will be shooting for D and F.... stay tune ... i want to surprise everyone :)

2011-05-21T05:59:00.004+08:00

5.30 am and i still awake. While waiting for the time to go home, i decided to read EE book again (think is my 6th times) for this title "The Mark Of A Man" and rediscover some new stuff which is why i love to read her book again and again.

As i look back the past entries, i realize something i been looking for is "support group" which kinda lose it since 2007, i don't know what happen and it become worst to the point i give up trying to explain myself "Hey guys, do you know we are struggling?" and decided to walk by myself since nobody willing to put in the effort.

I'm hoping someone will do something about it at that time but i don't understand why every suggestion given is been slam back without consideration and why no explanation?
To be honest, i was very disappointed yet i cannot do anything about it.

2011-05-19T09:10:00.003+08:00

Feel tired and depress after school start. Start to feel the tension of stress and madness between myself and workplace plus not forgetting some of my friends start to leave me due to my unstable working timing. Sometime, i feel sad because people enjoy their weekend while i working like a mad dog but who to blame ? Nobody but is a choice that been made by yourself.

Who will understand the pain that all shifters face ? Only those who work shift will understand the pain.

Give myself some good slaps then will make myself more alert for the upcoming exam. *Fight*

I'm awake, i good and i damn cool. Got it ? Kevin, you will kick ass for your life.

2011-05-17T23:21:00.007+08:00

Yesterday, i have a good chat with wei about my final conclusion of my research about why nowadays teen prefer to commit suicide than wait for rescue. These are the reasons that will lead me to know what happen to them when i actually wear their shoes.

Unnecessary stress level given by parent (Good Grade, No 1 in class)
Help where there isn't any help after all (Empty promises from friends)
Bought up way is wrong (Give whatever they want/need)
Love is blind yet deadly (Wrong prospective in BGR , Betray by friends)

I'm self discover 1 thing where people keep saying "Do you know i care for you and pray for you" but where is the concern (via e-mail, sms , meet up , fb ..etc etc) yet must the person do it so that people realize this person need help ? Sound empty promise after all. On April 12, 2011, i did a trial test and end up i been scolded for been naive without concerning others feeling which kinda make me disappointed and shall not argue with it because i believe
"No matter how busy he/she, they will at least bother to show concern."

This is 21th century where technology is our way of communication and not like last time BC/AC era where we need to do something like "飞鸽传书". Spend 45 sec typing " Hey, how are you" to another party won't kill your ass but why people don't bother to do it, it is because they feel is ok to do it tomorrow and then tomorrow tomorrow and goes on .. end up did they send ? No, they forget and life goes on. When sometime happen to the person, they show concern, what's this ?

Pray for them isn't wrong but we are in a form of flesh so some people tend to hope they can see/feel/heard by themselves. This is another fact. I also learn why some people feel disappointed when they leave because the support is ............

After all, i have come to a conclusion that might help me to become a better person:

If you need to know a person, you need to spend time understand them.
If you want to know a person, you need to shown them your heart not your act.
If you really want to show your concern as a friend, please make some effort.

3 years ago, i lost a good friend because i didn't show enough concern to him and end up he given up his life because all the pain/hurt he kept to himself. We have realize it but didn't bother as we take it for granted. In front of him, he shown you nothing happen like a happy person but deeply inside is full of pain and tears.

Nothing is right/wrong but always ask yourselves " Do you actually shown your concern ?"
Ask YOUR heart not others view because only your heart can explain.

2011-05-11T00:17:00.002+08:00

Yesterday went out with my 姐妹 and it seen so cool as we haven't meet up for 6 month? Ok, we both very busy but today is such a great time to catch up with her. 15yrs of friendship.

A few of my friends asking me to take wedding photo for them but i just rejected them (as usual) because Kevin still love his 1 year absent behind his camera, really appreciate it :)
The rest is so important for me because i can focus on my study , driving lesson , career and my walk with God that i still working on it but perhaps is more about discipline than walking on it.

I'm haven't attend church for a month due to shift work/tireless and perhaps couldn't find a place that really have a thing call "FAMILY LOVE". CEFC do have strong preaching but i couldn't related to people over there and that really make me feel so sick and tired of going alone because this is like shopping center to me not a place to worship.

Time to move to other church that can fit in my timing (is damn tired to work shift) , the kind of support that i always have in my x-church (somehow the support just gone 1 by 1) and a place that i feel comfortable.

Well, i have learn a lot from my footsteps for the past few weeks ... Ok ... i still learning ...

2011-05-05T13:06:00.004+08:00

A great time fellowship with bro Fraser as we share about what is my conclusion after leaving the church for the past few months, solve all the unnecessary conflict with her and now in the mid of reaching my goal that will fulfill by next year. I'm might not be the best person neither i perfect so we all together how people views/handles issue to fulfill our purposes in this world.

走过。。看过。。错过就不要回头。:)

I'm told Fraser whether in the end of the day did she send out the e-mail (haven't receive until now), my biggest wish/prayer is she can stand up by her own and fight. If i never remembered wrongly, i been reminds her to fight to fight to fight but people just take your words for granted and pin point that the way i used is unacceptable which i feel no guilty about it.

The war is already over long ago so let us stop talking it again beside gaining the precious lesson. Don't keep on holding the past but keep walking towards.What happen is already happen, What can't be change will never change. This is life. Accept it.

2011-04-25T15:35:00.008+08:00

Just have my courage to tear away all my journal entries that make me feel so delight and happy right now because i don't want to look back nor let anyone else know what happen to my past especially the moment when i feel so down. You've to keep walking forwards and don't allow such to hinder you again and again.

Last year, i destroy the journal between both of us which i remind myself not to look back again because what sis "xlxxx xxx" accuse me for all the nonsense will make me grow stronger in person and just ignore her whenever u see her. No need to bother nonsense people as they just a past by wind after all.

2011-04-24T13:42:00.004+08:00

Easter Sunday. Everyone is glad so do i. I'm happy and perhaps even more happier when i step back to my 娘家 as my uncle said just now because this is a place where i grow and learn about Jesus Christ. I'm doubt will be coming back here from now as i visiting other churches to learn and maybe stay there (God will). Lefty is in painful condition last night and wondering when will it be heal so if i want to take part any marathon, i must wait until October to see my condition again.

Not much time for photography and will send Cheryl and wedding for service due to error ( i notices that since last year) so spend $$ time again. It's going to cost me 150+ O_O

2011-04-20T20:49:00.004+08:00

As the days draw near, i wondering am i prepared to face the physical test that will burden me even more not only the injury but rather i can go for this year 2011 marathon which i really want to go for a special reason. Mom wasn't happy as she told me i need to rest for this year but i insist ...

Next Monday will be back to school after 1 year and finally dream come true. I'm thank you to my parent for their support and papa for his chance given to me *Amazing Grace papa*
People felt that spending another 1 year for a Spec dip don't make sense after all but to me, this is a skill that help me to understand more rather than earn more. I'm know earning is important but without love and knowledge to your job, you are WASTING YOUR LIFE !! God given us passion is to do his WILL not wasting time for NOTHING. WAKE UP !!

That's my passion and if you think i waste time, you should wake up first :)

2011-04-17T02:09:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was chatting with my best buddy via phone as we both super tired so decide not to go for coffee session. He said " Hao, your skill is faster and deadly than before" which he refer to our hidden skill that only a few people manage to see that but for me to reach this level is by all the failure and pain i went through before reaching this stage.

Just met David and he and Felice bought a present for me. Gosh, i was surprise by that :) *THKS* We have a short chat and i show him the sms and what he feel is 20% as what i think but the other 80% which i believe the purpose of sending that mail is for ...... ......... but hopefully i guess wrong because what i feel is "been betray" after all.

If people still think the 2008-2010 kevin is the same kevin as now, i can only say you don't understand me after all this years. That's my hint for this and previous posts with answers lies around here if you read carefully but how many can understand my lousy grammar ? :)

2011-04-15T08:12:00.003+08:00

Can i say the month of April is the craziness month i ever been ?

First was the stupid april fool when i have to clear the "shit" at my workplace and took me 2hrs to finish the cleaning and is damn smelly !! Holy crap !!

Second was the stupid NS letter that now i unable to finish my RT which their system really screw up again !! I'm going to appeal if i can't pass my IPPT. How can you want people to clear 20 cycles yet can book 10 first and faster book the next slot when u clear first 1 ?
It's impossible to call the person come back every 1,3,5 !! No need to work ? No need to study?

Third was the damn BO bill. Please send back before 21 and i receive on 14 which is like holy shit. 1 week to do that ? Hey man, this kind of important mail must be send by 1 month before the due date and are you all sleeping? How about the person don't open mailbox until he/she feel happy to do so ? Bloody shit service ... Lousy to the MAX.

Fourth was the study wise. Now i need to plan properly becoz work place another knight leave
and going to make my schedule even more tight than before ... o man .....

2011-04-12T08:52:00.004+08:00

Last Saturday, i kneel down and ask God for his forgiveness and want to repent the sin i committed because i know there is a major problem between both of us after 2008 where life turn upside down with the breakup + back stab by some church members make it into a triple blow to my walk with papa. No one will understand this kind of painful path i went through for the past 2.5 years but at least now, i have step to the final test which is "Facing the giant".

Yesterday, i receive a sms where i start to roll my eyes with a blank mind. I'm was curious why she write" i more clearer about what happen that time" &" Not thing that make you feel bad but happy things" and sounds like a conclusion break up e-mail where it can be done 2 years. I'm don't know until i see the e-mail and will blog again.

I'm was naughty enough to test some guys by sending a furious sms (testing how ppls react) and sad to say, some pass the test while some fail it totally. Someone piss off saying "I'm disappointed with you because i feel been used and is it necessary to use this to see the person care for you and you should wake up your idea" and "how about people praying behind you?"
Anyway, i wasn't angry afterall but testing and end up getting trouble again ^^"

Do you know what actually happen to nowadays Christan ? They need someone to listen to them and have the assurance !! I'm not saying praying is wrong but do know now people realize when you say i will pray for you, how convince it is?" and partly people see your character first before they can believe you. If you those busy and excuses, do you think people believe you?
your call .....

I'm not judging but this is my observation/research for the past few years "一代比一代差” and partly is the kind of life style we in now. I can say sorry only but that my reasearch.

So far, i thank God for a lot of things and my lefty is doing good but still painful if over stretch

2011-03-31T07:57:00.002+08:00

Lefty injury given me pain/stress during the past 2 weeks but at least now that is speedy recovering which is a good sign. I'm want to rock climb once is recover 100% !!

I'm pretty tired/lazy for some days where i just want to sit down, sleep , eat , read and do nothing.
I really miss the time together with cheryl and winery during my photography trip, as a owner of both great camera, i feel a bit itchy in times where i want to go out , take photo and PS it ...
Time is enough but is the schedule don't allow me sometime .. haiz ... sian ...

Life is getting busy and busier in time but at least, i know what i want but not for my walk with God as i still far away from him ... sometime i just talk in my heart to him ... is that call praying?

2011-03-28T03:34:00.004+08:00

有人说我很傻，为什么每次碰到好女孩不去追

返而给其他人一个黄金机会 (Golden Opportunity).

我说 “你听的到我心中的雨吗？”

没有一个人可以回答或明白我的理由。。。

找到的又不会看到我的好，只会在那边说了一大堆废话。

认识的又不可以追，因为不是 same faith。

有时我很想回家算了 .... .... ... ... 做人真的很烦！！

做人真的很烦！！让我飞好吗？可以吗？

*In response to people who keep asking me " Are you attach ?" comment.

2011-03-24T12:51:00.002+08:00

3 months have passed. I'm believe i have made the wise choice for taking a year break from photography and focus on my life issue because is too messy till i don't know where am i to go.

The past 3 months, i receive friends calling me to do their wedding which i glad that people notices about my work but due to my upcoming study which commence on April, i decide to reject their offer. Sound stupid but i OK since i don't want to over drain myself again.

God has been very patient with me for the past few month because my life is start to "gone" again that require a lot of spirtual support than mental support. Due to my shift work, there are time i really feel like not going to church and also time i lost my purpose of going to church.
Everyone knows that once u shift church, there are many major issue you need to settle which in fact i still dealing 1 by 1 as from now ....

Health also another problem now... hopefully nothing serious ... still in observing period.

Pastor Joshua hoping i can go back TPBC and in my heart i'm really want to go back but ....

Feel this 1 yrs is a good training ground for me to become who he want me to be not like in the past where i been pam and protect .. i now alone outside facing the enemies ...

God prepare it for me so i believe it is good for my spiritual life. Just pray for me will do :)

2011-03-23T21:36:00.002+08:00

Life is short and i don't know how long can i live from now till the next month. This few days, i having death dream that the time is near for me and although i do fear because i still adjusting myself with God but as the days pass by, i realize papa have been calling me "come home son".

Am i so stubborn to listen to the spirit calling ? Hope not ... God is calling me every sec ...

If one day i die before you guys, i just want this 3 songs to be play at my funnel

We Cry Out - Gateway Worship
Pure - Gateway Worship
Amazing Grace (My chain are gone) - Chris Tomlin

Yup.

Thanks you guys in advance : )

2011-03-13T04:27:00.003+08:00

Last post was exactly 1 month ago. I'm wondering how many things have actually happen for the past 1 month in my life and perhaps more disaster than happiness ? Just 2 days ago, japan face their worst natural disaster ever in their history book with 30ft Tsunami swept the whole city eastern coast Friday of Japan. Just pray for them ....

The bible have show in Matt 28 about the upcoming truth that Jesus mention to his disciples. Just want to say "God is coming back with his promises that whoever believe in him , will be with him forever.

I'm still looking back what God is trying to tell me for the past few days ... some kind of signal.
I'm admit i still walking back to his throne bit by bit. After leaving TPBC, the struggles being by knowing people around me in the new church and is even harder than i expected ... so true ..
Although i have few contacts over there but doesn't mean i full able to adjust myself because i alone almost 100% of the service. After a while, i use to be alone than in a crowd.

Many things have change since the day i leave TPBC especially my life with God. It have been tremble and full of adventoures in the beinging of jan where i can finally have the chance to go church but in other church due to the time of my work.

Let see how ... ya .. i tried and i need to rest from now.

2011-02-12T16:39:00.003+08:00

Been training hard for my fitness and possible going for my 1st oversea marathon in Malaysia on June but problem is, i need someone to take my race pack for me first. Challenge myself to the limit is always my bad habit and sometime i just don't understand why can't i use this way to learn more about God's words ? Changes is all i need now.

As the days goes by and i learn a lot about others feeling , myself and even the little Joshua world.
Sometime, i just wish i could sit down and listen to a live band and unplug music. When can i have such enjoyment ? I remember i have that during Myanmar trip .. it's was awesome ..

New Webb is here

http://www.wix.com/momentphoto/babycamerasales

Love it so much :)

My photo blog is still alive anyway

http://ourquietmoment.blogspot.com/

2011-02-03T01:08:00.002+08:00

Happy Chinese New Years to everyone.

Pretty sure everyone is enjoying but also cursing that the price for foods is like so high and unreasonable but after all, everyone should enjoy this special day : )

Bought a drawing tablet and is pretty cool as i can now start to learn how to draw freehand.

Nothing much to update beside trying hard to know someone else right now ...
hopefully we get to know each other more and more ..

yup ..there she is .. replying my msg : )

That's what people always say "Season of Love"

Cao

2011-01-29T15:03:00.002+08:00

战前和战后的我是两个人

Have been thinking a lot of issue for the past few days and possible is lack of sleep but after all, this is a good sign as to train myself more alert towards every problem and how to handle it well.
Knowing how to "see" the person character through photo was a skill that develop recently years and it make me even more pro in some sense. By looking, i can see the person characters which is quite unbeliever after all but guess, this is a skill that not many people obtain :p

Constructing my new website and is much brighter than before plus sharing photos with people is a kind of passion for me. Sad to say, the film industry will sooner or later die off .. haiz ...

Now, i hope from now till Oct, i will try my best to build up my trust to someone else around the region and hopefully this is a bingo. Yes, i like someone else during my assignment and after 2years break up, this time round will do my best to win the bingo ...

2011-01-21T04:04:00.002+08:00

Planning to start a brand new photo blog that can share the photo plus some technical skill that might be helpful for others whom keen to learn. Recently, i saw too many people holding a DSLR yet don't really understand the system itself which is quite disappointed as a photographer because of people spoiling the legendarily name "Single Lens Reflector".

Let me hunt for a host and will release next month .. ha ha ...

Love to share and create :)

2011-01-20T03:00:00.004+08:00

People keep asking me why i didn't go for full-time wedding photographer. To be honest, i don't really want but prefer to be a photojournalist as i feel more passionate by sharing stories that never been seen before. I'm don't mind to be the 2nd photographer in every wedding assignment.

Having through a few rounds of wedding (thank papa for the provision), i given myself an answer that i don't really enjoy it. Maybe is the money that been given/cheated or the precious time i couldn't spend with parent? Well, i might come back again once my school issue is settle.

Till now, i still like street photographer as it express how life can it be even before you wake up on that day. Day by day, i been seeing difference things happen together with papa so i want to capture/share with my friends for all these things.

Finally, i love this life that been given so let not waste it but fufill it.

2011-01-15T02:17:00.003+08:00

Looking back at the old photos, old album and same friends (no old friends but we getting old), i learn about how we actually grown up together quarrel, teasing and even chio girls like bastard.
As our age catching up, i learn to be more patient with others (of course have my limit), understand difference people have diff way of handle issue and of course not forget about my eagle that is more and more sharper than before.

Life is going to be excited than before and by leaving behind all my past is the solution of life. God given us trial and error is to mould us and teach us so i thankful for all the bad things happen during the past 2 years.

I'm ready to face another round of errors again.

2011-01-11T09:24:00.003+08:00

Last night meet up with my army sgt (now must call Mr Brian and Mr Winston). I'm glad Winston taught me something i never know at all in wedding photography which like so shocking and possible my technical term are still very week so need to brush up this area plus the way i snap also need to change the formula (10 years ago style is no longer work). More to go.. keep learning ..

He given me a challenge which i pick up as i want to challenge myself to the extreme limit. Personally i don't believe there is anything impossible in life beside decision is finalize.

Another random question that i ask myself, should i slowly work towards it ?
Hopefully someone get the same hints.
I'm slowly get to know her .. slowly slowly

2011-01-10T00:46:00.004+08:00

1st time attend CEFC (woodland) and is given me a very comfortable feeling to attend the whole service without really falling a sleep (went there after my 12hrs shift work) and is really crazy where your brain is not function correctly but somehow papa make me awake to the end of the message. I'm enjoyed myself and can't wait for their book of proverbs series to start in FEB.

Most likely i will stay in this place and slowly get to know people but need help in the mean time

Just pray : )

2011-01-08T05:20:00.004+08:00

8 days after celebrating 2011 and here come the brand new years. Within 8 days, there are so many things happen in between and guess, this is going to be a challenging year again.

Maybe God answered the prayer !?

From today onwards, i will be transfer into another team that can go to church every sunday and part of the reasons is because i told my boss that i will be going back (if i get a place) to study so the time will be a major problem for me and he decide to put me into somewhere else to learn something new and hopefully my supervisor can understand which i just share with him 1hrs ago .... hmmm ....

2 years of photo album completed

After passing that little photo album to louis last year as i own him for 2yrs 10month, i glad he actually like the photo but the sadness part is inside the card where i write down something that i decide to look for other churches ... super emo when he saw that ....

Leaving or Staying?

Quite a few brothers was shock when i told them about my decision as since the conflict is over but why? There are so many reasons to say but i can see myself won't be staying any longer so i let me go somewhere else and maybe this is part of God plan for me.

Quit as a wedding photographer !

Shocking? Not really !! I'm was quite angry with this sensei because he not only lies that he didn't earn any profit from the wedding assignemnt which is bullshit at all and don't tell me every bride shop is giving 200 dollars for AD wedding? U SURE? Well, he just didnt' show respect to me everytime he call my mobile. Simply no respect ...

Conclusion

2010-12-26T00:47:00.007+08:00

To my brothers (you know who you are), i own you guys a BIG thank you and words cannot explain how you all actually help me till the end especially that period where i really need listening ears and you all did it which i really touch by the act of love.

To tian min and candy jie, thank you for listening to my nonsense sometime and also guide me during the moment when i feel so drain and tired. Thank you !!

To Des, if you happen to see this (if you still remember the link) or someone e-mail to you (sorry, i lost all my address book)

I'm know you going to complain something like "Why publish here" *read 1st before complain*.

I'm have forgive the person (u know who is it) because she has her point of view by saying that plus everyone make mistake in their comment so i just take it as 不小心. I'm no longer angry with you and also no one to blame because this is God plan :)

Thank you for all the lessons that you "share" during that period of short time. That's all i want to share.

To papa, thank you for loving me and your mighty hand always comfortable , always ready for us and i love you papa.

To JESUS, 2011 is coming and i want to walk with you all the way.

End

1.14am
Sunday
26/12/2010

Dec

2010-12-24T12:23:00.002+08:00

Dec

Finally, it come to the end of the year and look back for the past 11 months, i can say there are countless time i fall down , trying to lift up but fail again and end up give up myself because i feel tired, restless and just stubborn. I'm can't remember how many times i actually cry when i pray to papa because of painful issue after 1 another and also my fault for not trusting daddy who is 24/7 willing to hold me IF only i willing to give him my hand.

*Sorry papa, i hurt you so many times until i don't know what to say about myself*

The journey ahead of me in 2011 is going to be even tougher than before as what papa do now is to equip me for the hard road ahead of me. Jer 29:11 (NIV)

Nothing much over here and here come my conclusion :)

Nov

2010-12-24T12:06:00.006+08:00

Nov to Dec

Attend Xiang Xiang and Tian Jie wedding, i was so happy for the couple after a big round of trial and error. God was talking to me when pastor Henry sharing about forgiveness to those who hurt you and etc etc ...... my heart sank and i ask myself "How and what should i do, daddy?".

Few days after the wedding, i decided to find find pastor Henry and have counseling by him.
It's was easy because i feel comfortable with him, willing to share and have our private conversation inside the room for hours. Finally, there is a conclusion ... ... ... .... ....

It's been a year since that comment and i finally manage to break the bond in my heart and ready to let go everything with the GRACE OF GOD because i find it a waste of time trying to hurt myself with this piece of shit ? N.A .. Enough ... :)

Now, i more street smart, careful of my action and look at issue in a diff prospective so i must thank God for that because this Kevin have grown up even faster than before.

May to Oct

2010-12-24T11:53:00.003+08:00

May to Oct

The road wasn't easy neither is tough too but i treat it as a challenge in life. I'm wasn't regular in church service because i been put to shift officially in may so there are a lot of adjustment in between my faith and work. Some brothers wasn't happy because why i pick up a shift work instead of normal which i try to explain to them until i piss off because they don't understand after all but i don't blame them because they might not understand there aren't a "perfect" timing when come to job especially in engineering line. Somehow, they accept it and we just pray to daddy : )

During these month, i pick up rock climbing and really thank fraz for introduce it to me because is something i want to do for the past few years but because financial issue so i didn't but is really fun when you start to step on the 1st artificial stone. Sound cool actually !!
Finally, we bought our OWN climbing shoes and i still remember that night, we have our dinner at LJS near PS and have a time of fellowship. A lot of things been share and my anger just hit me again after discuss that issue again and truly, i wasn't prepare to let go after all ...... haiz ...

Start doing freelance photography after knowing a guy and i still doing until today.

April

2010-12-19T01:07:00.002+08:00

April

During my mission trip in Myanmar, i face spiritual warfare that so bad until i couldn't sleep for almost the whole trip until the last 2 days where i finally move to other room. I'm don't know why i so "ge kian" didn't ask for a shift but guess is my stubbornness yet it make me pray to father for hours and hours, tears after tears because of my struggles and blames flashback into my mind whether did i make the wrong decision. It's a good feeling after all because i pour out every shit in my heart to daddy again.

I'm told my mission mom "Jen" the last day in Yangon. She listen and pray with me that God has his plan for me even thought is a painful one but just pour out to him for he is a listening to every single bit of our heart.

After a week later, there isn't any news for any engineering job interview and i start to ask God "Should i go for full time photographer or doing sales that related to photography?", it just keep me wondering until i found a store in Singapore that hiring sales people and i send my resume within that day.

2 days later, they reply me and ask for an interview. I'm pretty excited but just about to make my decision, there another call from the company that interview me previously say they will hire me and is like "What" ~~ 2 Jobs within a day so which one should i choose ? *Headache*

After a long prayer, i decided to go for the engineering job because i want to learn something that will equip me in the future and opportunity that serve people around the world.

Jan to March

2010-12-19T00:10:00.006+08:00

Jan to Feb

Life wasn't the same like before when we officially break up in October 2009 due to some reasons like "communication problem, parent pressure , trusting and 1 unforeseen issue"

That night, when i mention to break up because i really tired of her nonsense especially she keep pressure me to go university after my poly which i explain thousand of times that i need to start work, earn my own living and gain experience due to my age (I'm 27 without 1 year working experience). Somehow, the message didn't get into her and pressure by her mom everyday to break up with me because i "not silver spoon family , no university paper, not earning 2.5k basic" and is really hurt my pride as a man.

1 night due to some reasons we meet again, we have a good chat but end up letting me dig out more issue that someone actually "advising" her to re-consider this relationship and also say Kevin is not ready yet. I'm was very angry because why this sis so busybody and don't know what kind of struggles i facing yet judge me without knowing the truth.

When she told me the sister name (i force her to say because i really buay song), i really disappointed in her because she intend to believe others than believe her own eyes. At that moment, i told daddy that i don't want to patch this relationship because the hurt is too deep with lies, uncommitted and trust that i broke down for weeks.

During that time, i struggles with my school work, projects and even presentation but thank daddy that everything is over, i have pass my modules and went to a good company with good boss and slowly from there, i start to let go bit by bit but whenever i see that sis in church, there is a kind of haten in my heart because i very "du lang" with her after D tell me the truth. Unforgiven for what she say ... guess my fire is still very wild ....

March

Officially grad from poly after receive my result and start my brand new chapter in life with goals and wonders where am i heading to. Before i grad, i have send more than 30 resume and end up none of them reply me (don't even know what the reasons). During the discouraging period, God open the door for me to go back Myanmar again to serve his people plus update some of the children's condition and i can say is "awesome". The week before i flying off, i have a call from ? company for an interview and really excited because is like finally i may have a job offer to me. After the interview, i ask daddy "Well, i don't know but is upon you now"

My heart wasn't prepare to go for mission field since i still adjusting my emotion but afterall if God open the door, there is a reason why he want you to go.

The verse i bring along for this mission is

(Deuteronomy 4:29-31 NKJV) "But from there you will seek the LORD your God, and you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul. {30} "When you are in distress, and all these things come upon you in the latter days, when you turn to the LORD your God and obey His voice {31} '(for the LORD your God is a merciful God), He will not forsake you nor destroy you, nor forget the covenant of your fathers which He swore to them.

2010 Reflection

2010-12-18T23:51:00.005+08:00

I'm wondering how to what happen "in-between, during, after" of 2010. It's a year where i face tears , unforgiven to others , lost and also the year where i start to doubt my faith in daddy, the people's in the church and many other issues that i will share over here.

Let's start off chapter by chapter as i express myself and hopefully my brothers will understand what i facing for the past few terrible months ...

Take notes when you start to read the rest of the post:

* There is no right/wrong in my post when i mention the name because i believe everyone have his/her concern and we are just failure after all so we learn from mistaken and forgiveness.

* I'm actually filter a bit because it might lead the wrong meaning so just read and forget it.

* In the end, how you feel after reading my post whether is good/bad, just commit to God.

2010-11-24T02:51:00.004+08:00

First issue to settle with daddy is "To trust in his time"

How many years that i been figuring out how to put this word "Trust" in my brain. So many times i just lack of trusting daddy because is so hard to follow him yet end up killing myself without knowing anything. I'm wondering why make myself so hard for that ? *Wondering*

Second issue to settle is "New Transform"

Realize my bad habit is coming back again and is more worst than before. Seriously, i have to settle that before everything change to a disaster for me to handle. Life can be transform in only we willing to put in effort but how many people willing to do it ?

Third issue to settle is "Put back where am i should be"

Leave church or forget about Christan faith? This question i did think before and no reply in the end of the day.... i don't want to say nor have an answer ....

Afterall, i still walking ... finding back myself ...

2010-11-18T04:24:00.004+08:00

Another marathon is coming and feel excited yet worry whether can i finish the race because of my current fitness is not good to go but just want to close this year with a wonderful record of going 4 races in 2010.

A great achievement X)

Was reading the team hoyt story and feel inspire how life can be wonderful if you know how to make it so let just stop complain so much but rather seek the way of life. Just now, i read some past entries of the blog and can say i grow up already, no longer so stubborn compare to last year. O man, i getting old :P

Last nite, i was thinking it is time to step up and shouldn't fight anymore with daddy. Afterall, i know there are so many things i start to hack care and jus do what i need to do ...

2010-11-15T23:45:00.004+08:00

Thankfully, i have finish the script for this saturday couple (x-church friend) and can't wait to see how will it turn out for this Saturday provided the weather is good and pray to God for his blessing.

Like i say before, the more wedding assignment i took, the more i scare because it reminds u your age, you turn and your time so can someone don't ask me that same question "Marry?"
I'm have forefear when i heard that and reminds me it is time to find someone already but i doubt i see anyone until today and beside that, singaporean ladies is far from my list now.

O well, this is life and maybe .. maybe there really someone really there yet i don't know yet?

David said I have calculate that you will bump into someone speical this year, What a joke.

2010-11-15T16:37:00.007+08:00

I'm love this photo because it present a sensation feeling from the bride. This is what i want but some people don't like it so is quite challenging as a photographer but since they are just wedding assignment so i just do what i want XP.

5 more days to take outdoor wedding photography and is like heaven to me X)

2010-11-12T10:50:00.002+08:00

Think Think Think .... how many things i been thinking for the past few days ?
How many things have just pass by and didn't grab the opportunity ?

I'm feel so tired nowadays and feel like sleep more than do anything.

2010-11-03T20:05:00.004+08:00

Tired and really burn out yet there are so many things to be done within this year and maybe is time to do some year end reflection and sum up everything happen withthin this year.

Sometime i just close my eyes and reflect what has happen for the past 10 months. I don't even want to ask God why like that nor find out more because find it useless in the end of the day.
Nothing can i do but only control the damage that been create so no point mean don't waste my time asking.

4 weeks later is Xiang Xiang and Da Jie wedding.... time flies ... really ..

2010-11-01T23:40:00.005+08:00

Went back to church after 1 month of work and is kinda weird feeling because i don't really talk to everyone like in the past because i don't feel comfortable and maybe i just a stranger to them.
It's been almost a year since i left the Ya'ers because of some issue (mention before) and i more or less have settle myself at SWS so just waiting for my "kaki" to come over to SWS to have fun, fellowship and more :)

Wondering who is reading this blog since i stop updating until recently. I'm glad that i have move on even more further than what i left behind in the past, whether that moment my decision is right/wrong, it doesn't matter to me anymore because this is my path and i choose it. I'm have no regret to break up that relationship after a long period of time of reflection and decision.

Time to go now .. cao X)

2010-10-31T00:31:00.002+08:00

Another friend flying off to AUS and study. I'm been thinking will there be a chance for me to go also because i want to give myself a chance to explore myself in term of career and life style.

Recently, there are so many wedding assignment to deal with until i feel "scare" because there will always people ask me "Are u marry?" and is like "Gosh, i don't have a chance to bump into someone special" and smile back say "Single X)".

2010-10-24T02:49:00.002+08:00

Bad news just come in yesterday where i found out my photoshop teacher pass away during his trip to visit his son for student exchange. It's pretty sad to heard that and seriously i didn't catch up with him for ages and the last time is he called my mobile about changing his home address and he just leave with the Lord.

Life is short and don't know what next actually. Sometime i just feel scare about when u see too much issue in life and is like burden after burden which you cannot stop that coming after all.

As my journey being again, i know there are things i have to let it be and let it go
As a photographer, you can see even more than any others
As a child, you need a lot of guide to grow up
As from now, i just want to do what i passion at ....

2010-10-22T14:05:00.002+08:00

OMG !! I'm can't believe i pray just now and is like ? donkey years i avoid of praying since April because of some argument and fight between myself towards God plan. Isn't that wonderful to heard that ? Gosh, i really really a sick patient that require a lots of love injection from Jesus.

There are something that still require time to change so please forgive me, my Lord.
Awake my soul and bring back to where am i and where should i go ... feel so lost, daddy.
Let the past be over and bring me to the present.
Whatever they hurt me, i will close my eyes, my heart and my mind and let it be ........
Teach me to understand them rather than finding revenge which lead to endless war.
My Lord, i wait for you to come back and fetch me back ... i wish to go home.

I know u will heal my heart ... i know : )